Thunderstruck by Love

photo by Brad Crooks; location: Patagonia

I could have been the poster child for Overachievers Anonymous.  I was pregnant with my second child.  Our first child was 2 1/2 years old. I was working fulltime, co-leading the church services, weighing in a major decision regarding re-location and involved in a court case.  And I wanted to do everything right.  I worked hard at it - emphasis on the "I". I put the responsibility squarely on my shoulders. But being so right, trying so hard and taking on so much had a breaking point and any amount of doubt or fear would set everything tumbling.

My private time with God was between ten at night to midnight.  One night, I was exhausted and prayed to God.  I don't remember the specifics, but some of my prayer had gotten to the low point of berating myself for not knowing how to pray better.  (Otherwise, I wouldn't have all these issues, now, would I?)

I got a direct response.  And it surprised and humbled me.

Like an iron hand with a velvet glove, it was as if a hand came into my thought and swept away the cobwebs of false responsibility, worry, doubt and anxiety.  A comforting wave of assurance rolled over me.  I was loved.  God approved of me.  God understood everything.  And all was well.

That was it. A direct hit to the heart of the beast of anxiety. An explosion of the heaviness.  The thunder of the Truth came in with the gentleness of Love. And then, I felt a calm joy, and a rested confidence.  Well, God loves me!  God knows me and approves of me!  I simply wept with the relief of it all and ended up laughing.  I accepted the fact that I did know how to pray, I did know how to listen to God.  I accepted God and God's love for me.  God and I had a wonderful understanding of one another.  And to this day, we have a great working relationship1 

Each situation I was involved in was resolved in its own time: the baby, the potential move, the church services and the rest.  All was well.  All is well.  And, as the hymn says, all must be well.

Years later I came across this correspondence written by Mary Baker Eddy from the collections of The Mary Baker Eddy Library.  It fit this story perfectly:

You are not alone.
Love is with you, watching tenderly over you day and night.
And this love will not leave you but will sustain you
and remember all thy tears
and will answer all thy prayers.

So for all you over-achievers out there, take heart.  Stand back and see God's work.  All is well!

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